satire

S'PORE MEN SAY THEY WILL TURN GAY IF MISS SINGAPORE STANDARDS DUN IMPROVE

Singapore men woke up to shock and horror after publicity images of the 2017 Miss Singapore were circulated online. As compared to past editions which featured the likes of the classy Eunice Oslen and the Girl-Next-Door Jamie Teo, the best of Singaporean beauty was abysmal. Hoping to get a different perspective from a younger man, Xiao Tee Koh aged 32 painted a hopeless picture. Mr. Xiao shared: "Even my friends at work dress better and look better than these monkeys. I think I will turn gay if the standards don't improve. Even lesbians at Pink Dot look so much better than these jokes.

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BUKIT BATOK COFFEESHOPS IMPOSE MINIMUM WAGE AFTER SDP VICTORY, ELDERS CRY TEARS OF JOY

After a hard fought battle with Pussy Above People Party (PAPP) in the Bukit Batok By-Election, the Singaporean Defense Party (SDP) has prevailed against all odds and now look to implement changes to make Bukit Batok the shining jewel of Singapore. Top on their priority is to implement a localised minimum wage scheme at all coffeeshops within Bukit Batok estate. Each elderly coffee shop assistant and cleaner will be paid a minimum wage of $18.88 per hour.

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PRC ESCORT POSTS PHOTOS ONLINE, CAUSES MEN TO SHUN PROSTITUTES FOREVER

Some women have all the luck... but others, not so much. A PRC escort learnt this the hard way when she posted photos of herself on WeChat, inviting patrons to come and partake of her "services". Netizens have speculated that she operates as a freelance escort in the Sembawang and Admiralty area.

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MY 2ND DISASTROUS DATE WITH A SINGAPOREAN GIRL

Despite my previous failed date from an online app, I did not give up hope. So these few days, I have been chatting with this girl, let's call her Jamie, from the same online dating app. Both of us have been texting each other daily and I felt that she was starting to get comfortable with me. So, I finally decided to ask if she was okay with meeting up.

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NORTH KOREAN MEDIA: OUR GLORIOUS COUNTRY FIRST TO LAND A MAN ON THE SUN

THE STATE News Agency of North Korea has confirmed today that the country has become the first in the world to ever land a man on the sun. It reported that astronaut Hung Il Gong left for the sun on a specially designed rocket ship at approximately 3am this morning.

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INSIDER: SMRT GETTING DIESEL-POWERED TRAINS BY YEAR END

SMRT insiders have informed ST that the public listed company have convened a board meeting late last night and approved plans to purchase 154 diesel-powered trains to replace the current fleet of aging trains and resolve electrical power lines issue that has plagued SMRT for years.

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PSLE TOP STUDENT INSPIRED TO BE CURRY PUFF SELLER & DRIVE A BMW

A 47-year old Singaporean man who breached the Tuas Checkpoint was arrested by police on Tuesday (23 June). His BMW 7-series vehicle was initially directed by immigration officers for further inspection at the checkpoint but he drove off instead. He was apprehended along Pioneer road North 2-hours later. It was believed that the man misunderstood the hand gestures of the immigration officers who suspected the luxury vehicle had under-declared the food products it was carrying. The vehicle was later found to carry 130 boxes of curry puffs and kuehs.

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DESPERATE SINGAPOREAN PARENTS "MOLEST" AMOS YEE'S MOTHER

Singapore - More than twenty Singaporean mothers have gathered outside the home of Amos Yee, ST has learned. These mothers went hysterical after child prodigy Amos Yee has led Singapore's mainstream media journalists blindly around Pasir Panjang after he posted his whereabouts on Facebook. Amos also said he was molested by his ex-bailor Vincent Law.

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MIW INSIDER: PAP WANTS TO RECRUIT MINISTER CALIBRE AMOS YEE

The People's Action Party intends to recruit Amos Yee into its ranks, ST has learned. This surprising piece of news came from senior party insiders late last night despite the ongoing trials where the teenage blogger was being charged under the Penal code for "deliberate intention of wounding the religious or racial feelings of any person".

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