Tag Archives: satire

VALENCIA FC WANTS SINGAPORE STRIKER ALEKSANDAR DURIC

Valencia made surprise offer for Tampines and Singapore star striker Alec Duric. Straight Times Corrospondent is said to have witness Duric's agent Durian at the Mestalla training ground. It was rumored the transfer fee to be around $1.2m, with the Singapore star striker getting a whopping 5 digit salary per week for 1 year.

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MINDEF: ANDY AND HIS FATHER WILL BE EXEMPTED FROM NATIONAL SERVICE

In an unprecedented move, Ministry of Defence (MINDEF) has announced Andy will be exempted from mandatory National Service. His father will also be exempted from further National Service call up cycles and phased into Mindef Reserves with immediate effect. Andy will not be required to report to Central Manpower Base once he reached 16.5 years of age, the statutory age to report for mandatory military service.

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SINGAPORE ARMED FORCES SCRAPS BUDDY SYSTEM WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT

Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) has announced it has removed the "buddy system" from its combat doctrine with effect from today (10 July). In a press statement to the media, SAF spokesperson reiterated they are constantly reviewing its training procedures to ensure the SAF is "keeping up with the times". The "buddy system" is a traditional military doctrine which requires individual soldiers to function in pairs during training and operations to ensure safety and accountability.

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GAMBLERS IN SINGAPORE PRAISE THE PAP GOVERNMENT

This morning's (9 July) World Cup semi-final has produced one of the most extraordinary results in World Cup history. The host Brazil lost to Germany in a bizarre scoreline 7-1, its biggest defeat in their World Cup campaign. The quality of the German team is "not normal", said Brazil's coach Luiz Felipe Scolari. Despite the sorrowful atmosphere in Brazil, halfway around the globe, Singaporeans are smiling.

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NEW COPYRIGHT LAW DRAWS MIXED VIEWS FROM THE PUBLIC

Senior Minister of State for Law Indranee Rajah said in parliament the amended Act will give copyright owners more powers to protect their rights in cyberspace. One notable measure is to allow content owners obtain Court orders directly to block websites with infringing contents without the need to establish liability on network service providers. Previously, owners have to plead network service providers to remove access to copyright infringing material by issuing a take-down notice. Network providers need not abide to such notices.

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PRIMARY SCHOOL BOY APPLIES FOR PERMIT TO HOLD PROTEST AT HONG LIM PARK

Dubbed the “Return My Edusave” protest, the event saw over 6,000 students from more than 100 primary schools gathering at Hong Lim Park to protest against the government’s handling of their Edusave funds — a scheme aimed ostensibly at providing students with funds to pay for enrichment programmes. They claimed that government control over the Edusave Endowment Fund was akin to “student exploitation” and that students ought to be given full control over how their Edusave funds were spent.

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NEWBORN BABIES IN 2015 WILL RECEIVE LEE KUAN YEW’S BOOK AS PART OF GIFT PACK

In response, they have decided to give a copy of Hard Truths to Keep Singapore Going, a book written by Singapore’s most famous author, Lee Kuan Yew. Another gift will be a towel with Lee Kuan Yew’s picture on it, as well as a poster of Lee Kuan Yew. The National Population and Talent Division (NPTD), which is putting together the gift pack, has set up a booth at VivoCity to catch passing shoppers for their ideas.

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Indonesia media buys New Nation news about PM Lee and SBY

I guess we can now REALLY say the row between Singapore and Indonesia has seriously come to a head. Indonesia media left, right and centre have picked up on the New Nation piece about PM Lee unfriending Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono on Facebook. Tribun News, read by 200 million Indonesians, reported on the issue as if it is real and it has gone viral.

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