Tag Archives: humour

VALENCIA FC WANTS SINGAPORE STRIKER ALEKSANDAR DURIC

Valencia made surprise offer for Tampines and Singapore star striker Alec Duric. Straight Times Corrospondent is said to have witness Duric's agent Durian at the Mestalla training ground. It was rumored the transfer fee to be around $1.2m, with the Singapore star striker getting a whopping 5 digit salary per week for 1 year.

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MINDEF: ANDY AND HIS FATHER WILL BE EXEMPTED FROM NATIONAL SERVICE

In an unprecedented move, Ministry of Defence (MINDEF) has announced Andy will be exempted from mandatory National Service. His father will also be exempted from further National Service call up cycles and phased into Mindef Reserves with immediate effect. Andy will not be required to report to Central Manpower Base once he reached 16.5 years of age, the statutory age to report for mandatory military service.

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SINGAPORE ARMED FORCES SCRAPS BUDDY SYSTEM WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT

Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) has announced it has removed the "buddy system" from its combat doctrine with effect from today (10 July). In a press statement to the media, SAF spokesperson reiterated they are constantly reviewing its training procedures to ensure the SAF is "keeping up with the times". The "buddy system" is a traditional military doctrine which requires individual soldiers to function in pairs during training and operations to ensure safety and accountability.

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GAMBLERS IN SINGAPORE PRAISE THE PAP GOVERNMENT

This morning's (9 July) World Cup semi-final has produced one of the most extraordinary results in World Cup history. The host Brazil lost to Germany in a bizarre scoreline 7-1, its biggest defeat in their World Cup campaign. The quality of the German team is "not normal", said Brazil's coach Luiz Felipe Scolari. Despite the sorrowful atmosphere in Brazil, halfway around the globe, Singaporeans are smiling.

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NEW COPYRIGHT LAW DRAWS MIXED VIEWS FROM THE PUBLIC

Senior Minister of State for Law Indranee Rajah said in parliament the amended Act will give copyright owners more powers to protect their rights in cyberspace. One notable measure is to allow content owners obtain Court orders directly to block websites with infringing contents without the need to establish liability on network service providers. Previously, owners have to plead network service providers to remove access to copyright infringing material by issuing a take-down notice. Network providers need not abide to such notices.

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ROY NGERNG’S POTTED PLANTS INVESTIGATED FOR SUSPECTED BREEDING OF DENGUE MOSQUITOES

Hong Gan Leow, a local, said: “First, he got fired. Then his dad kenna arrow for cleanliness. Then now his potted plant suspected of spreading dengue.” “When they’re out to get you, they’re out to get you. Wonder what would happen next? Roy Ngerng’s dog investigated for suspected rabies and quarantined?” At press time, Ngerng’s dog has been investigated for rabies and quarantined.

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PAP HAS RETURNED MY CPF MONIES THIS MORNING

A “Return Our CPF” protester woke up this morning to find all his CPF monies accumulated in his compulsory CPF account returned to him by the government in cold hard cash. Kong, the Singaporean who has been angry for so many years about not being able to withdraw his CPF money, said: “This Hong Lim Park protest to demand the government give us back our CPF monies is really super effective.”

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