ASS

GUANGZHOU MAN STICKS EEL UP HIS ASS, AS CURE FOR CONSTIPATION

TODAY carried a report on a Chinese man from Guangzhou who had a live eel removed from his stomach. How did the live eel ended up in the man's stomach?

According to reports, the man had heard on the streets that as a remedy for constipation, which he was suffering from, inserting a live eel into his anus can effectively cure his condition. So the man did the unthinkable, and actually inserted a live eel into his anus. The man was hospitalised, as the eel began to wreak havoc on his intestines. Eels have pointed jaws, sharp teeth and a slender body that moves in waves, allowing them to burrow efficiently through sand, mud and pebbles. The eel used by the man was said to have a head as large as a ping-pong ball.

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NUS SUSPENDS ALL FRESHMAN ORIENTATION CAMPS AFTER VIDEO OF RAGGING EMERGED

The National University of Singapore (NUS) announced it was suspending all student-organised freshmen activities after All Singapore Stuff exposed recent instances of unauthorised and unsupervised freshmen activities despite NUS's instructions on the issue after facing public uproar. All Singapore Stuff posted a video showing students dunking a girl in a pond at Sheares Hall on 27 July 2016. The school said "dunking or other forms of ragging is strictly banned under the university's guidelines for student activities."

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AMOS YEE DIDN'T WANT TO KILL MUSLIMS, DUMB S'POREANS & ASS WEBSITE ARE PIECES OF SHIT

Unlike what retarded A.S.S reported, Amos did not want to kill all muslims. Singaporeans need to understand context before they start judging you retarded shits. Amos did write ‘I demand the killing of all muslims because I disagree with their beliefs’, but in front of that there was a hashtag in arabic. This shows that AllSingaporeStuff are amateur and do not get sufficient amount of information before they publish their wretched articles, and should go fuck themselves.

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DEAR ASS EDITORS CAN YOU STOP FLAMING THE EMBERS OF HATRED?

It's quite disheartening to see the multitude of insults traded between Singaporeans and the various nationalities, especially Pinoys, and I am writing to ask for ASS to lessen the kinds of postings that encourage this. Your KPI may be pageviews and social activity, but this is creating a very negative climate.

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OPPOSITION VETERAN: ALTERNATIVE MEDIA SITES MUST UNITE & BALANCE MSM INFLUENCE

The influence of NM and MSM has attained equal status. When the survey asks their interviewees where they get their information and news from, NM and MSM have equal share. This situation poses a tremendous challenge to PAP's continue dominance of political power. I sincerely hope that all NM like TRE, TRS and TOC will unite and defend this piece of land of Freedom for all Singaporeans. Without the balancing influence of NM, it will be almost impossible for Singapore to advance the dream of building a more democratic system. Hold on there, TRS! Hold on there, TOC!

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Association of Apathetic S’poreans issues statement on Religion vs LGBT debate: ‘We don’t care’

The Association of Apathetic Singaporeans (ASS), who don’t even care if their acronym is wrong, has issued a statement to hit out at the Christians, Catholics, Muslims and LGBTs over the recent spate of something that has caused all sides to lose their shit. President of ASS, Mai Huan Loh, in a statement issued to the media, said: “I don’t know what they are fighting about, but if they must, can they don’t?”

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