S'PORE MEN SAY THEY WILL TURN GAY IF MISS SINGAPORE STANDARDS DUN IMPROVE

By Wan Dan Liao, Straight Times

SINGAPORE - Singapore men woke up to shock and horror after publicity images of the 2017 Miss Singapore were circulated online. As compared to past beauty queens, the best of Singaporean beauty was abysmal.

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Reporter Wan Dan Liao went on the streets to find out what Singaporean men think. You will be shocked.

Meeting Lao Tee Koh aged 70 at a neighbourhood kopitiam, Tee Koh said: "Wa lan eh, this has got to be the worst edition ever. Just go the Geylang and you can find girls who look more sexy and curvy. If this is the best Singapore can offer, our standard really cannot make it. I rather go become a monk."

Hoping to get a different perspective from a younger man, Xiao Tee Koh aged 32 painted a hopeless picture. Mr. Xiao shared: "Even my friends at work dress better and look better than these monkeys. I think I will turn gay if the standards don't improve. Even lesbians at Pink Dot look so much better than these jokes.

Where is the quality control and what are the judges doing? Are they delusional to believe Singaporean beauty standards are so low? All Singapore men just turn gay and harakiri lah! It's the end."

If these sentiments are accurate, the PAP government are in for a hard time and Singapore's birth rates do not look likely to improve anything soon.

Disclaimer: This piece was written by satirist Wan Dan Liao for the Straights Times. You must absolutely believe what you read.

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