Dear Fans,

It’s howdeepisyourlove127 story telling time! I know it’s been a long wait just like DIN TAI FENG endless que, don worry I’m back BITACHES with another one of my exp. After my 2nd story got posted by some ASSHOLE on All Singapore Stuff (ASS), I read every single comment, there are few asked who do you think you are? Or who am I to criticize others?

Here is my reply to them,

My story is meant to take with a pinch of salt, not the cooking kind of salt.
Ar Shibal! Do you guys believe everything you read online? Are you in your
50’s and still reading fairy tales to sleep? or did you lost your sense of
humour when your mum drop and hit your head when you were born? If you feel
offended, then the internet is not a place for you shibseki. WAE WAE Why are
you so easily offended?

Am I a Casanova, Troll or Andy Lau alike? Nope, none of these. I’m just a
simple man, hoping to fall in love, get married and have kids. Somehow most
of my social app date turn out to be worst than Thai horror film. There are
nights I even have recurring nightmare of these date haunting me. I’m about
to share one of my most horrifying and disturbing encounter till date. Sit
tight cause it’s gonna be HELL OF A RIDE!

It was during 2015, when WECHAT was a popular social app to check out
bitaches near your hood, you know what I saying yO! After reading EDMW thread
I immediately download WECHAT and managed to chat with this ATB (Ah Tiong Bu)
which live nearby. The first thing that come to mind when you read ATB is
“A T B D C B J H J” however I can assure this was not the case for me…
“Wei” was her name, 25 years’ old, from China. Working as preschool
teacher in Singapore. She’s only been here for few months. From her profile
pic, it’s obvious she used those filter, there was something unusual about
her photo most of them are facing forward or up, there wasn’t any side view
of her. Never mind I thought, she seems decent looking so I decided to chat
with her. As usual my tactic is using food as bait, I asked if she had
“Roti Prata” before? She wasn’t quite sure what it was so I said why
not I bring you try? She agrees and after an hour there she was 50-meter
walking towards me.

I stood there internally screaming “Short. farking short. midget short.
dwarf short. SHORT AF!!!” All her profile pic is front view of her face,
there wasn’t any of her standing. Gosh! As she walks closer I realize she
got PROTRUDING TEETH! The word PRORUDING is consider an understatement SHE IS
LIKE A HUMAN WITH HORSE MOUTH! It’s like The Lord of the Ring midget had
sex with a Pony and she was born. It’s not lim bei chek ark but if she were
to attend the Halloween party she doesn’t even need to make up or dress up,
a green touch light that shine upon her face it would be like “

牛头马面” the Chinese Hell Gate guardian escorting you to hell. IT WAS
JUST PURE TERROR! Her body wise, it’s flat like washing board. Not even
Changi airport runway can win her slippery smooth and flat runway that nearly
cause me to run away too.

At this moment, my heart was hesitating, still I decide to go along as it
would be rude if I were to run like literally “RUN”. We arrived at
Thomson Prata House, as you know that area is filled with hipsters, chio bu
and ah sia kia that drove their parent luxury car and park at the side of the
prata house having ice cream, prata or bak chor mee. Today I drove here but
my companion beside me made me look like I just ride a horse (her) here for
supper. The prata house was full so we went to have Dim Sum instead.

I let her choose what she prefers on the menu and entertain her conversation
with a few “ha ha” deep within me, my heart was dead. I was emotionless,
devastated and lost, just how many time must I be deceived before I can meet
the right one. Ah jinja many of you reading this must be thinking my standard
too high? eh you think you BRAD PITT huh! Come on lah dey you buy clothes you
choose ugly one meh? BO KO LIAN WHAT? Some more this clothes must wear life
time! After she finish her meal which felt like eternity, the whole
experience was like dining in hell. I didn’t have much appetite after
seeing her face, which remind me of why her profile pic didn’t have any
side view photo.

After this horrifying date, I learn something. Ghost do not only appear
during the Chinese 7th Month Ghost Festive.

A.S.S. Contributor

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