It’s one of those sleepless night where u lie naked flipping around the bed till u get abrasion, I’m pretty sure u know how it feels like, so what do I do? I would on Tinder and start swiping. Oh a match with a Malaysian girl. Base on her few profile pic she seem pretty at certain angle, so I initiate the conversation, after days of conversing I notice she mostly talked about food, I took the chance and ask what’s her favourite food? She replied “Ice Cream” and base on that I list out a few “die die must try b4 u die list of Hipster Ice Cream Shop” and told her the ice cream there is really fantastic, maybe someday I could bring her go. She seem excited and agreed, it was not long after 2 week I managed to date her and pick her below her blk.

I reach and wait patiently. My heart was beating rapidly filled with excitement thinking after ice cream can have “Happy Ending”. “Hee Hee I laughed to myself. I could hear footstep close by so I turn, my first reaction when I saw her was “ni na ma eh, that profile pic is how many century ago?” she’s more tanned than her profile pic I sure her Adobe Photoshop skill is more TOK KONG than Bike forum FL site, not to mention her face is round like bowling ball, u could say there wasn’t any distinctive feature about her face. It is just pancake flat. Like god just decided to throw his pancake and drew a face TADAH that was how she was created! Did I mention her body? Her silhouette is just like Doraemon…

I could only say my hope in humanity is gone…

I was in deep shocked, speechless & confused. How can the pic BO SIO XIANG? Still I maintain my clam and greet her. She wore short pants with normal tee, if there was any fashion police nearby she would definitely get arrest on spot. Her tight is knn eh pui I could feel the pants is going to tear any second, I shifted my eye in case they start to bleed and I notice she was carrying a bulky pouch. So I ask what’s inside. She said “oh it just water bottle.”

“PIANG! We going for ice cream leh not hiking mountain need to bring water bottle meh?” and her Malaysian accent is knn eh gao like KOPI OH SUI DAI MAI TEN MAI GUNI. I cannot tahan men! I decided to end this date ASAP but it seem abit cb If I were to cock up an excuse and go home…

Being a nice guy I decide to carry on with the plan.

I drove there as fast I could and step on the pedal till it reached the ground but my lau pok car no matter how I zam is still cap at 60. Reach the ice cream counter I asked her to choose the flavour, she replied with her Malaysian accent which I feel really embarrassed cos behind the ice cream counter girl is damn chio totally my type and here I’m opp stuck with this Doraemon. FML

I order one cup 3 scoop and ask her to find a seat, as soon as I paid for the ice cream with no hesitation I took a spoon I start eating while walking toward her as I reached the table I told her “eat while it’s cold!” I could feel my brain freeze but fug this shiat I just wanna get over it.

As she start to chat about comparing Singapore & Malaysia blah blah blah.. I wasn’t even listening I just keep nodding my head in agreement. The whole situation is like trapped in a haunted house with the ghost lingering around u. As soon as she finish the last spoon I sent her home as if I was driving F1 formula. Reached her blk and I wave and say goodbye, as soon she walk to the lift I puke out my ice cream and cried to myself.

Wasted money and got traumatize….

A.S.S. Contributor

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