I’m a good-looking young male – tall and handsome, or so they say (but I honestly don’t like to pride myself on that and am definitely cringing while writing this post right now). I also play the drums and sing, and have been on the radar for my musical talents. I keep fit regularly to maintain a lean muscular physique, and I keep up with fashion trends to look fashionable. I try my best to look good so that you know, to tick all the boxes, and to keep up with the superficiality of the quest for a romantic partner.
People around me say that I’m a really good catch because I’m also a really nice guy, a hard worker in things that I do, and I generally have good grades. (I’m cringing while typing all of this self-praise but please do bear with me)
So the plot twist is (probably not)… that I’m evergreen.
People all around me (especially in university for some reason) were bewildered as to why I’m still single, and became even more bamboozled by the fact that I’ve never had a girlfriend before. “Why do you not have a girlfriend? I should really find you a girlfriend.” “What? Lying. You’re lying! Confirm lying one.” “Why don’t want find girlfriend?”
I get approached a lot by many girls (again cringing but please hear me out) but I often make it a point to express my disinterest from the start, so that they get the signal and after which, most of them do halt any further advances from there. I often end these approaches really quick so that it doesn’t affect our friendships or acquaintance relationships. Sometimes, I wonder to myself why I do it when I could’ve easily gotten a girlfriend then.
So then this boils down to the two things that have been plaguing me for the longest time:
1. Is it wrong then to wait… for the right one? I mean, is it unethical to reject people so that you can make room for an ideal type? Is it wrong on my part? A lot of times I feel bad about myself for rejecting and turning away girls (most of whom are absolutely lovely and definitely beautiful on the inside and the outside) just so that I could wait for my ideal type to show up.
But sometimes, you know, you think you have a shot at this romanticized fantasy of yours and that you should wait. And some of you may want to know what my ideal type is and I’m definitely going to get bashed for this by some of the more cynical ones.
“Confirm what sexy one! Big boobs! Big ass! Face like celebrity!” and maybe the occasional “He gold-digger lah, he want rich one!” So sadly for some of you popcorn-eating cynics getting ready to roast the ‘douche-bag’ part of me, here goes:
Character: not absorbed by social media (preferably abstinence), emotionally secure (I know kinda subjective, but maybe just according to my standards), cool-headed
Looks: acceptable weight for height (as long as not seemingly overweight – I’m sorry to whoever I’ve offended but please read my entire post), decent fashion sense, and lastly, looks that just simply makes your heart skip a beat. Kinda like the-girl-next-door, or that random girl who you see in the train or on the bus. I’m more of a love-at-first-sight kind of a guy, so the visual aspect of a first impression really plays a huge part.
So this then leads to the next part…
2. Because of all that thinking, I’d sometimes think I’d be better off single. Why? Thinking about the way I look, my looks or appearance are merely the prize of a genetic lottery that I won. I have the upper hand, that one factor that will allow me to have a better chance at romance. Sometimes I look at a guy and I can clearly see his effort – the way he dresses up, the way he combs and waxes his hair, the accessories on himself. However, I dress a similar way and I could see him starring daggers at me because I’m about 20 centimeters taller and have broader shoulders.
I think about how the reality of our world is a reality that prizes on appearance. In extreme cases, I think about albinos, the mentally and physically disabled… and the list goes on. The more I think about it, the more I think about how unfortunate it is for people who do not match up to societal standards of beauty. Sometimes, as much as I too want a slice of the pie that is romance, I find it hard to accept that there are many people (an increasing number these days) who are being deprived of the opportunity to give love and receive love. Just thinking about how unfair the playing field is for most people just makes me want to give up the notion of love altogether.
To make it worse, I feel even worse for waiting for my romanticized fantasy to come true. Sometimes when I’m laughing or having a funny conversation with an attractive girl near a less attractive girl whom I just talked to, I could sometimes see disappointed looks on their faces when really, it was just a funny conversation. I’m sure some of you may find it hard to believe me but this is just the truth – I treat everyone I meet equally. Unless if she is rude and obnoxious then it goes without saying.
So sometimes I think… this begs the question of the human condition, doesn’t it? Aren’t creatures all born to be superficial? Can we truly attain a society (or world) that is completely void of superficiality? (no need write essay thanks)
Sometimes I think, I want to have a relationship but I’d feel awful about those who are deprived of that opportunity due to their looks… Then sometimes if I have it with someone whom I’m not happy with, it’ll also not be fair to the other person. Worse of all, if someone who fits my ideal type does come along, will I feel even worse? That I have a chance at romance and that there’s many others who don’t?