I would like to share this story to bring awareness of domestic abuse and violence, and in support to my friend. Hope this post goes viral and make her parents feel shameful to what they had done to their daughter.
My friend N is a young strong girl. She’s been facing serious family abuse since young. Even family service counselors can’t talk through to her parents and the police can’t deal much with her parents too. One recent incident (which I believed many others might find it ridiculous) happened and I felt that I need to share about how ridiculous her parents (especially her father) are.
So this is what happened, one Sat afternoon, her father instructed my friend to get them lunch. A little of background info before I start. N is the eldest in her family and she’s a family oriented person despite what her family had done to her. Despite working full time now and being so tired from work, she try her best to help her parents like buying their meals, etc, as usual like what she did since young. So this is the convo during that afternoon:
Father: Help me buy lunch leh, fishball noodles, mee poh, 2 packets, 1 with chilli, and the other one mixed with tomato and chill. Both don’t want those oily things (pork, onion, etc…)
N: Okay. (Repeats order)
Father: Aiya, okay lah, anything.
Comes back with food.
Father: (in an angry tone) EH WHY BOTH GIVE ME CHILLI? I say I want one tomato and one chilli tomato.
N: You said you wanna one chilli for mum and one tomato-chilli. And I repeated the order and you say anything.
Father: (still angry) And I say I do not want any oily stuffs. Why still have?
N: I already tell the auntie not to put inside alr.
Father: Why you buy got so many problems, then I buy no problem? So the problem lies in you. You shld watch them cook and see what they put inside.
N: The problem doesn’t lies in me. Even sometimes Mei (N’s younger sis) buy, the noodles still isn’t what you wanna. Why didn’t you scold her also and just scold me? How I know what they put and cook? They are so fast and cooking in one corner, how can I even see? And also peak period.
Father: THE PROBLEM LIES IN YOU, DO NOT DRAG YOUR SIS INTO THE PIC.
N: Then do you want to go down to ask the auntie with me to ask whether did I tell her? She still repeat my order.
Father: (short silence) So what? It is you stupid and the problem lies in you.
N: Stop being so unreasonable.
Next afterwards, her father throw the chopsticks at her across the dining table. And go to her seat and slapped her straight into her ear because he claimed N talked to him ‘rudely’. Her mother is in the kitchen, and sis is in the study room. Both of them don’t care abt the commotion. N felt partially deaf and the ear is blocked and in pain, so she can’t hear properly on her right ear, and she called the police. Imagine how big and strong the slap was.
There’s many things that happened to her regarding her family, but this is the one I find it the most ridiculous. A man shouldn’t even hit a woman, when the point is she’s your daughter, and she’s so small and petite. Also, the father threatened to throw her out of the hse, when she called the police. When the police, he refused to let the police in and make things difficult for the police. He even tell the police when the ambulance came. He said that don’t call him if anything happened to her, call him when she dies.
Her father is the Assistant Vice President of a big local engineering firm.
My friend have been suffering family domestic physical, mental and verbal abuse for many many years (at least 15 years). She had been trying to tolerate and give in to her parents. There’s a more serious case when she’s 16, her father throw her on the bed, use the belt and hanger to whack her, kicked her in the stomach and almost strangled her. That’s also a police case. Her father didn’t feel remorseful at all. When the family service counselor and police advised her to get a PPO at that point of time, she’s still young and don’t know anything. All she think was that if anything happened to her father, her family got no income and no one to support the family, and her sis is still young.
But now thankfully she decided to apply for one. I hope from this, this can bring awareness of family domestic abuse.