CHANGI AIRPORT TO CLOSE BECAUSE NO 100% SOLUTION AGAINST TERROR ATTACKS

In an unprecedented move to tighten security as well as to remove terror threats completely, Changi Airport, one of Singapore’s iconic crown jewels will be shut down for good in June next year.

This announcement came as little surprise to Singaporeans as it was just a few days ago that the Singapore Government announced a similar drastic move that all public servants’ computers will have no Internet access from May next year since no perfect solution can be found to fend off cyber attacks.

This is in line with the vision of the Smart Nation initiative which is to harness technology to the fullest, or use no technology at all cause you know, it’s a smart thing to do.

Attending the press conference with his left arm bandaged because he chopped it off after getting a mosquito bite on his finger, Mr Zhen Li Hai, Head of Changi Airport, explained the controversial decision, “When there’s nothing left for terrorists to attack, there will be no more threats. Just look at me. I’ve no left hand now so mosquitos can’t bite my left hand! Smart right?”

Singapore Tourist Board (STB) has confirmed that since Changi Airport will be closed down, international tourists intending to enter Singapore via airplanes will do so in a “Uniquely Singapore” way. Tourists will be ejected out of the plane once it enters the Singapore airspace and they will be expected to parachute their way to safety.

At press time, aliens are not considering attacking Singapore because no intelligent beings can be found.

Kthxbye.

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