By Wan Dan Liao, Straight Times

SINGAPORE – After a hard fought battle with Pussy Above People Party (PAPP) in the Bukit Batok By-Election, the Singaporean Defense Party (SDP) has prevailed against all odds and now look to implement changes to make Bukit Batok the shining jewel of Singapore.

In their celebratory press conference, SDP Chairman Pa Buay Si announced sweeping changes to the Bukit Batok estate. SDP hopes to renew the aging town better than any PAPP Town Councils and make Bukit Batok the benchmark for other PAPP controlled towns.

Top on their priority is to implement a localised minimum wage scheme at all coffeeshops within Bukit Batok estate. Much has been made about the disrespectful PAPP who failed to protect elderly Singaporeans despite all their prior election promises and carrots. The SDP intends to introduce a more equitable economic model where our elders get to enjoy the fruits after labouring for much of their lives.

Each elderly coffee shop assistant and cleaner will be paid a minimum wage of $18.88 per hour. This minimum wage ensures our elderly citizens are adequately compensated in their silver years and earn a wage capable of providing a high standard of living. Bukit Batok coffeeshops are expected to adhere to this new salary guidelines or face heavy penalties. The SDP transition town council has pledged to use any of such penalties to help the underprivileged in Bukit Batok.

Chairman Pa Buay Si added: “We hope this bold change will demonstrate to the rest of Singapore that the Minimum Wage is the only policy tool we can wield to ensure a decent retirement for our Pioneer Generation. The SDP Transition Town Council will share responsibilities with all coffee shop owners to bear the higher operating costs for one year. After which, coffee shop operators are expected to support the initiative on their own accord. This is doing a true service to our nation, we hope business owners will support the SDP in creating a fair and equitable Singapore.”

When told of the impending changes, 73 year old coffeeboy Jin Ho Seh cried tears of joy and supported the new Minimum Wage Scheme without hesitation. He said: “It’s about time the greedy zheng hu (PAPP government) returned out money and gave us what we deserve. Now I can stop exercising collecting cardboards to supplement my tiny income and enjoy the finer things in life.”

However, not all were so enthusiastic about the bold changes. Grumpy coffeeshop businessman Po Lan Par lamented: “Now I have to absorb all these extra hiring costs. It’s either I serve smaller portions of Nasi Lemak or I up the price. Now I will have less disposable income and cannot buy a new Ferrari. I hope the SDP can give more subsidies to help cover our extra cost, if not my coffeeshop cannot survive. My business is really not profitable lah.”

The $18.88 Minimum Wage in Bukit Batok estate is expected to be fully implemented on 1st June 2016.

Disclaimer: This piece was written by satirist Wan Dan Liao for the Straights Times. You must absolutely believe what you read.

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