I am currently one year in army and have cases in the past contemplating suicide during secondary school. Of course I found something in life and things became better.
Fast forward. I have been in the army for a year and never once did I enjoy my time here other than enjoy doing everything with your friends. I’m combat fit and there’s been ups and down in army, I have a hell time of a unit induction program and that being what I consider the worse experience in my life but that did not trigger my depression and anxiety nor anything. The only thing keeping me sane is being able complain to my friends but the same response suck thumb would come in.
Recently I have been getting mood swings, I feel like a caged bird and honestly ,I’m sure everyone felt the same but they have been taking it with a suck thumb mentality. It is depressing seeing how easily people give up to power because they don’t have a choice. It depresses me that I am unable to grasp the point of sucking thumb and finish this two years. 11 more months to go, wow! And they say time passes fast. Its depressing for someone to have power over you, you do not have a choice.
I’m getting anxiety feeling trapped and I hide it from people. They say I looked depressed but what can I tell them? I feel muscles tensing every moment knowing I’m trapped. I hate that knowing I have another 11 months of being in a bunk, being trapped in the same camp. The same old view. The same damn cook house. Marching pass same tree you see every damn day.
My friends, my girlfriend tells me, it will pass. NO it doesn’t work this way. Don’t tell me it will pass, it is still going on. Don’t tell me things will be over, its still not. Not yet.
I understand the importance of deterrence. But this place isn’t for me…. Please tell me what to do, its eating me everyday. Getting a pes F and hearing stories of people unable to lead a proper life has stopped me from checking up for depression but I’m tired… Please advice…