1. Don’t give her reasons to hate you.
Stepping out of line or exhibiting disdain are both things you want to avoid doing. Even in the face of blatant nastiness, be the bigger person and play nice (despite how frustrating it might be). So long as you mind your Ps and Qs, it’s not your problem that your partner’s mother still isn’t fond of you.
2. Be patient with her.
It takes time to earn her trust in order to receive her blessings. You may just be accumulating resentment by forcing yourself to handle such tough situations consistently in a politically correct way. Hard as it is to believe, know that this too shall pass.
3. Ensure your partner is on the same page as you are.
The last thing you want is to feel like you’re being ganged up on by him and his mother. Voice your concerns. The least he can do is mediate. If he supplements his mother’s ammunition or sides with her when he knows her actions are unjust, then this relationship has just called for a performance review.
4. Don’t let her ruin your relationship.
This isn’t Shakespeare and you’re not the Juliet to your Romeo. Don’t let the matriarch come between you and your consort. The warning signs are clear when half your fights revolve around his mother.
5. Don’t try too hard to make her to like you
When all’s said and done, and there’s nothing more you can do to mitigate the animosity, in the words of Disney’s snow queen: let it go. After all, you’re not in a relationship with your lover’s mother. You don’t really need her to be smitten with you. It would be nice, but it’s not a pressing necessity. The sooner you realise that you can’t and don’t have to please everyone, the better off you’ll be.