Sigh, so in a nutshell, this is what happened:

I have been seeing a westerner for the past 1 year. I’m not one of those SPGs — the fact that he’s white didn’t make any sort of difference to me. All I saw was a good man.

A few days ago, I found out that he has kissed other women since meeting me, and by his own admission, he would have slept with them too had he been more sex-oriented.

Before I go on, I just want to make one thing clear: we were never gf-bf. Because of our age difference and the different stages of life that we’re in, we realized after a few months of being together that a proper relationship would never work out.

But… what bothers me is that he was with other women even before we realized that we would never work out as partners. So he was kissing other women and sleeping with me. He went on vacation where he kissed a couple of women (all strangers), and throughout the vacation he was texting me that he missed me etc.

I know men — and some women too — are brilliant at compartmentalizing, but how is it possible to be in an intimate relationship and have it mean nothing? I know this wasn’t intentional: he had no intention of betraying me. He simply didn’t think we were exclusive and that it was okay to “court” me (at that time we hadn’t realized that a real relationship wouldn’t work) and be with other women too.

This brings me to the following question: what the hell do non-exclusive relationships even mean?

With most Singaporeans (correct me if I’m wrong), if you’re sleeping with the person in a non-casual manner, it’s already assumed that you’re exclusive. If you genuinely care about someone and you’re telling them that you miss them etc., and you’re actually behaving like you’re in a relationship, do the words “be my gf/bf” actually matter?

It seems that with westerners, those words actually mean something. There is no such thing as simply assuming something.

Had I known he was with other women, I would have never ever continued any sort of relation with him.

This was a good, caring man. He wasn’t a young, hormonal teenager who just wants to sleep with women. Yet he did this… and somehow he thinks he did nothing wrong.

Is this simply a difference in culture and values? Or am I just overreacting?

Confused Singapore Girl
A.S.S. Reader

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