The Trivelis developer has just inspired me to quit my job and go into the DBSS business. It’s apparently very lucrative. You can charge 25% more than nearby BTOs, cut corners and give your customers a defective product, then win back their goodwill with the patented goodwill package. (Might even get support from an MP!)

And then, all you have to do is tell your customers:

“We have tried our best to deliver the units in good condition to our residents. However, there will be lapses on defects that we may have not covered.”

“We deeply regret that we have failed to meet the expectation of the residents… We cannot claim that our design is perfect but we have built the units in accordance to specifications in the sales and purchase agreement.”

This is perfect. Just meet the bare minimum! Can save money, buy Ferrari. If not happy, just say:

I’m very sorry. I deeply regret this unfortunate situation which is absolutely not my fault.

You see, I cannot do anything because I only promised you xx square feet. I didn’t say the house will look like the display unit. I also didn’t say I won’t give you easy-to-shatter glass panels, defective stove knobs, rusty dish racks and poor quality laminate flooring.

In fact, I am so nice that I even throw in a free swimming pool along your corridor. 4 cm deep is perfect for people who just want to take a relaxing dip. Who says DBSS got no swimming pool?

When kena spammed by email from the unreasonable residents, all I have to do is remind them that I am not obligated to entertain requests for redress. Got black and white say I must answer all your emails? No right!

Then if people complain some more, I just give them discount coupon for mini washing machines. See, good right? I give you less space so that you got chance to buy mini washing machine. What a rare opportunity! How many developers give you that option to put mini washing machine in your house?

Better yet, put them right under the sewage pipe so if the sewage spill out, at least it will fall into your washing machine first. No other developer provides such great after-sales service.

In fact, as an added bonus, I will only speak to residents individually and will avoid all dialogue sessions where residents will feel obliged to kowtow to me. Many of them love me so much that I am afraid they might get emotional and get heartache.

Then when people get heartache, their MP, Sim Ann, will have to work even more closely with me to monitor their heartbeat. Since Sim Ann is from the PAP, I’m quite sure that she will be in touch with the residents. As long as she is on my side, I’m definitely going to be able to keep my high salary.

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