IPPT TO REINSTATE PULL-UPS AFTER SINKIE MALES FAIL TO CLIMB HDB & RESCUE TODDLER

by Wan Dan Liao, Straights Times

Singaporeans came out in force to thank the courageous and ultra fit foreign workers who skillfully scaled the second storey HDB flat and rescue the toddler in distress. Although this incident demonstrated the civic mindedness of our much maligned foreign workforce, the authorities were deeply disturbed by this incident.

When the Straights Times rushed down to the scene as it happened, there was a crowd of HDB residents below the block. They were either standing around looking at the unfolding tragedy or using their camera phones to film down the incident. Among those bystanders were Singaporeans males who are NS trained and combat-ready. Despite them passing their yearly IPPT test, none of the true blue Singaporean sons were able to climb up to the second storey of the HDB flat.

This authorities are taking this latest incident very seriously as it has a bearing on Singapore’s preparedness and our ability to defend ourselves. Just a few months after introducing the new IPPT format where pull-ups have been replaced by push-ups, the authorities have now made a u-turn and reintroduced pull-ups into the IPPT format after this spectacular failure by our NSMEN.

When contacted by the Press, MINDEAF spokesman Colonel Chao Ji On had this to say:

“This incident shows clearly that Singaporean males have very poor upper body and upper arm strength. They were unable to pull themselves up like those two foreign workers. Did you see Mr. Shanmuganathan’s spider-like reflexes when he swung his way to the toddler’s rescue? That is the kind of standard we need for the SAF. We don’t want guniang soldiers who cannot carry themselves, what more their buddies.

This is why with immediate effect, we will re-implement the Pull-up station into the IPPT. Hopefully this will give our Singaporean sons the upper body strength that will make us combat ready and not lose to foreign workers again.”

After news of the re-implementation of Pull-ups into IPPT spread, Singaporean males had mixed reactions.

“Why MINDEAF flip prata again, at first say give us relax jack pushup, now make us do the cibai pull-up, now my past 6 month of pushup training all for nothing lah, how to get my $300 IPPT gold award liddat..” remarked 33 year old property agent Jin Ai Lui.

Others like 23 year old student Seng Kee Oni quipped: “This is a very good plan, if not we as Singaporean very malu you know? We must show that we can win these FTs! Show that Singaporeans are better than them, we are meritocracy right?”

Are you looking forward to doing pull-ups during your next IPPT too?

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