Conservative Singaporeans snapped up tickets to the Singapore Zoo this weekend in a bid to monitor if any of the animals in captivity might be openly or secretly gay.

This after conservative Singaporeans were pre-occupied the past week sussing out books held in the National Library and Kinokuniya to find out which ones contained gay elements.

Responding to media queries about why straight Singaporeans who are conservative were so preoccupied with gay activities, Yeshu Aini, a self-proclaimed straight religious Singaporean man said: “The otters were behaving a bit gay, they were huddling and a lot of the male otters were slithering around on top and below one another.”

“What they are doing is very tempting. So it will influence straight men like me.”

Other conservative Singaporeans who were investigating the zoo said the monkey enclosure had to be shut down as it showed a few alpha males enjoying a harem of female monkeys.

Qu Jiao Tang, a local, said: “This is not right. This does not show the traditional family unit of one father, one mother and two children.”

“In fact, nowhere in the animal kingdom does it show a traditional nuclear family of one father, one mother and two children.”

“We need to burn the zoo down.”

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