More S’poreans considering taking up homosexuality to advance investment banking career

Following a recent announcement by global investment banking firm Goldman Sachs that it is hiring more LGBT employees in Singapore, the number of Singaporeans turning to homosexuality to improve their chances of being hired has increased.

In a straw poll conducted recently, at least 60% of those interviewed said they would readily “go gay for more pay”, especially if it meant being employed by one of the largest investment banks in the world.

“Singaporeans are a pragmatic people,” said one respondent, “and if choosing an alternative lifestyle means that I can get a more fulfilling career, I don’t see what the big deal is”.

In line with these changes in the hiring market, the Singapore government has also recently announced a slew of policy changes to ensure that Singaporeans remain employable amidst changing times.

The Education Ministry has announced that they will be adding a new compulsory humanities subject, Gayness, to the ‘O’ Levels examinations to ensure that Singaporean students remain competitive in the international job market.

Gayness students will be required to demonstrate the requisite homosexual flair in order to pass, and examinations will consist of both a written and an oral component.

“I think that Singaporeans must learn to adapt to new economic challenges in order to remain relevant,” said the Minister for Trade on the sidelines of the announcement of Singapore’s plan to become Asia’s leading “Homo Hub”.

He later went on to add that while many Singaporeans may disagree with our recent gay-friendly policy shifts, it is important to remember that as a small country, it is important to be forward-looking and not rely only on rose-tinted glasses.

Rainbow-coloured glasses will be the norm and we must all follow suit as well.

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