So Singapore’s most reviled expat Anton Casey has hired Fulford, a public relations firm, to burnish his tattered image. His “case’’ has made headlines in the United Kingdom so that his home country knows what a loud lout he’s been in Singapore. Even his company has come out to distance itself from him. Since he has apologised etc and we good Singaporeans should really move on but can’t seem to, here’s some unsolicited advice for his PR firm to help out their client.

a) Give a back story. Hopefully, he grew up poor in some back alley and made good. A rags to riches story which Singaporeans always like to read about because that’s what we want to go through too. Then somehow he forgot his “roots’’ and lost his way. Now he’s seen the light. Wonderful fairy-tale. Grimm-like.

b) Get his clients to give testimonials of his good behaviour. Like how he offered a client a lift in his Porsche when the client’s Ferrari was in the workshop.

c) Start a twitter storm to “forgive Anton’’, just like a supposed member of the Anonymous collective is said to have done to get the G to release the vandals who thought they were helping out Guy Fawkes. Okay, there was no storm…but maybe the PR firm can summon a drizzle.

d) Do a YouTube video with Anton facing the camera. Without makeup. Insert words like “sorry’’, “apology’’, “never again’’, “contrite’’, “self-flagellation’’ and “absolutely stupid’’.

e) Have Anton join the integration council on fostering relations between foreigners and locals. Better still, have him join a community centre’s lion dance troupe so everyone can see him in action in smelly places like hawker centres in this coming weeks.

f) Have him volunteer with SMRT to guide passengers in the stations. Better still, activate him only when trains break down. That should keep him very busy.

g) Get him to auction off his Porsche with proceeds going to ComCare. This is to allow poor people to buy soap for their once-a-week shower.

h) Let him start a parenting course in which he will emphasise the need to exercise good judgment when speaking to children. Give him the Dads for Life stickers to hand out at bus interchanges.

i) Let him star in a musical, Beauty and the Beast, that is, if his Miss Singapore Universe wife wants to help him out. Sure sell out tickets! Proceeds will go to the Public Transport Fund.

Hey, Fulford, if you do the above, you’re worth every cent of what he’s paying you. Which is how much ah?

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