New Vibrator Promises ‘Third-Level Orgasm’: Too Scary to Use?

The Ultimate G Vibrator is a new gynecologist-designed sex toy that promises “third-level orgasms.” It boasts features like pleasure bumps, outer arms, and a shaft that fits the body’s natural form for maximum pleasure by stimulating basically every part of your anatomy.

One drawback: The design of this this new pink friend is almost too terrifying let anywhere near my vagina. After a brief free association, here are a few things the the Ultimate G resembles (spoiler alert: none of these things will get you off to the highest degree):

• a chew toy
• the alien that bursts out of John Hurt in Alien
• a CGI fallopian tube
• a cartoon brontosaurus proposing
• a sad work of public art outside of some museum
• a power flosser
• a sea anemone
• the logo for a women’s health center

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